Five years ago today, I had my last conversation with Blaine. If I had known it would be our last, I would taken all of the time in the world to chat and listen and laugh, but as we all know, hindsight is 20/20.
IF I had known that he was in such a dark place, I would have done everything to assure him that nothing, absolutely nothing is worth losing your life over.
It`s hard to believe all of the things I`ve learned as a result of Blaine`s death - that there are real issues that people are struggling with - everything else gets lost to unimportant!
I`ve also learned that I would like to live my life as Blaine did - with a smile and a wave, and a joke and laugh, and caring for people whole-heartedly...never judging, never angry nor mean, never deceitful nor dishonest. These are the things that made such a good man! The kind of man that you are proud to call your brother. Some may say that he lived a simple life - and I agree completely...we could all learn from how he approached life - he didn`t care where you lived, or what kind of car you drove, or what label was on your clothes. He cared that you treated him (and others) with respect and dignity. I wonder if I failed him in that regard - I was so wrapped up in my own life, my own issues, that I didn`t see how he was struggling.
These last five years have been a real eye-opener for me. I do my best not to judge, nor to treat people differently as a result of their status - not everyone has had it easy. I am so very thankful for all of the good I have in my life - and I do my best to take the time to stop and remember...in any given instance, your life can be changed forever. Five years ago tomorrow, my life changed forever... My heart will never heal. My memories are still sharp, but time is starting to fade the `little things` - the sound of his laugh, his cordial wave, and his wittiness. We were so blessed to have had him in our lives.
Apparently only the good die young...
Rest in peace, Beanie. I miss you every day. I would give anything to see your smile and hear your laugh - just one more time.
Cheers! xo
